Surrender.

Dear Jesus,

I mean, I’m only having a tantrum because I don’t understand what’s going on. I feel like my body is out of control with all these hormones and sugar issues and swelling limbs; I feel like my house is out of control with all the strewn boxes and stacks of paper; in fact, I feel like my whole life is out of control for so many reasons. I scream and sometimes I think You don’t listen. I cry and sometimes I think You don’t see. I don’t know if I’m coming or going with You, honestly.

But You certainly have proven Yourself to be trustworthy. Whenever I’ve asked You to work on my behalf, You have. You always send the word I need, the person I need, to get through another set of minutes. You whispered gently to me at my lowest, celebrated with me at my highest. You were at my wedding when I married the man You led me to. You will be at the birth of the daughter You promised me. You’ve held my hand when I’ve let You and allowed me to walk away when I thought I could do it better on my own. All 28 years of my life, You have pursued me relentlessly with the love and passion I sought in so many places before turning to You. You have filled my life to the brim, even in the scariest times, with joy straight from Your heart to mine.

So you can have my talents, my dreams, my desires, and I’ll find peace in a quiet corner of my heart, in an armchair with a cup of coffee and Your company, as I await further guidance from You. It isn’t easy this way, but it is possible. And as my powerlessness tries to muscle away my hope, I’ll remember how strong You are and how bowled over I am by the truth of Your love.

You know where to find me. Come soon.

Love,

Amie